Pretty Lynn's Blog O'Spiffiness

2004-02-13T02:39:00.000-05:00

family.... they claim they'll always love and protect you, but next thing you know they're spewing bile.

one second they are proud to share your name, the next they're making up things to say about you, twisting things
around to make you seem like some kind of monster.

family breaks promises... they give you their word that they will be somewhere at a certain time so you can enjoy
yourselves and bond as a family.... but they blow you off for the next new thing... and what's their excuse? that they
promised someone else they would be there *after* they promised you.

you try to help family... you feed them, give then a place to sleep when you're lucky enough for them to visit... you
don't expect anything in return except their love and company... but then something happens...

you don't know what it is, but your family flips out. they abandon you, tell lies about you... you still don't know
exactly what set them off, but it doesn't really matter....

family turns against you... absolute betrayal... they don't realize it's not truly about them standing you up for another
gig, but rather that when your feelings are hurt from being pushed aside, they try to make you look like an evil
person... i suppose it's how they make themselves feel better about what they did to you, but still... what they said
was pure abuse.... and it takes a very long time to heal.

2003-03-26T02:14:00.000-05:00

oh... so.... the evil bastard got 8 years.... my sister sold his car to me...(it's legal! the title says "evil bastard OR lynn's spiffy sister")...

now, if only i could get it road ready...... i'm still waiting for the bill of sale... twice my sister has cancelled the "date" on me... =( but there's no use in having a car so i can get to work if i keep having to bum rides off of people!

oh yeah, i got a new job, people. woohoo!

ok... anyways... so... no one seems too eager about me getting the car on the road... i'm talking about getting the bill of sale, tags, etc... taken care of. i'll need a ride to the dmv and such.... my dad actually suggested i drive illegally. *shakes her head*

but, if things go well, i'll be able to do a fun photo set of me with my car. it's not my dream car, but it is a car... it's a nice car... even if it makes me look like a soccer mom. ;)

oh what hard decisions i must now make... what do i hang from the rear view mirror? what bumper stickers will grace my car's backside? i have a beautiful, but contraversal one... that advertses a great website... perhaps i can find one with just the site's logo? i haven't been to the site in a while... i'll go see if they have new stuff. =)

2003-03-26T01:52:00.000-05:00

me: "i'm too hard on you"

mikey: "But you're also nice and soft in all the nicest places. :-)"

i wasn't sure how to take that, so i asked... and, yep, he was referring to my body... specifically my breasts and bottom (and i thought my ass was flat...).

no, i didn't take his words to mean that putting up with my attitude is worth it because i have a nice rack.... i'd say most of his attraction to me comes from my personality, which is why it shocked me to hear/read him say that.

mikey's not an fa, but his comment was very fa-esque. hrmmm..... maybe i'm getting to him... mouahahahahah

2003-02-27T00:28:00.000-05:00

ohhh... i forgot to mention...

so far my lynn fan quiz has been very acurate... my lover got "lover/lover wannabe", my wannabe lover got the same.. and my niece got the "family"... but another good friend of mine didn't get the friend one, but the "fa" one... hmmm... i've poked him with a cue, but never actually played pool with him...

what is everyone else getting?

2003-02-26T23:43:00.000-05:00

so... how many people actually read this thing? i doubt many... especially since i found out that people don't read the opening page on my site.

how do i know? because people keep telling me that half of my pics aren't working... well... i addressed that on the main page of my site. liquid2k is down, and there's nothing i can do about it...

so... does that mean i'm just photos to these people? it's not like my site is filled with sexy pics and no written thoughts...

i've always taken pride in myself because i refused to take the "look how fat i am" type pics. i don't put on clothes that i've outgrown... i don't post measurements... i don't talk about what i eat everyday... i am SOOOOO much more than a fat girl with a vanity site.

hell, the only thing that has changed since i started my site waaaayyyyyy back in (i think) '98 has been the addition of the art gallery and the "pretty pics" section. before it was just photos taken from my trips and social events.

i hid from cameras back then, and i wouldn't have had an entire album of me.... these pics, though a lot were taken for a specific person, were mostly done to make me learn to appriciate myself... now that i do (at least a lot more than i used to), i continue to take them because i enjoy it.

recently, though, the attitudes of some of the "fat board" people have put me off from posting them... so, yep, mikey gets pics, but i have little desire to share them with everyone else.

don't get me wrong, i've met some wonderful people at that message board... but the atmosphere is disgusting... i've seen a guy write about how angry he was when a fat girl turned him down at a bbw party... he said she at least "owed" him a dance for him giving her his attention.... another guy is SOOOO fucking insecure with his preferences that he told me that nature intended for women to be fat and submissive while the men were to be big, muscular dominant apes... he's so ashamed of liking fat girls that he has to try to say that nature intended for things to be *his* way... he also said that homosexual and bisexual people were genetic mistakes...

i keep asking myself why i even bother with that place... there are good posts... granted, they're mostly written by women, but they're damn fine posts about everything... some deal with fat, some don't... the bbw who hang out at the board are amazing women, and the guys don't have enough blood in the big head to notice...

i'm so glad i found a better fat board... it's full of feminsit fat girls and just about every other open minded "social outcast". they're good people.

2003-02-17T08:39:00.000-05:00

ok... obviously i'm back at home now... i've been kinda sad because I HATE IT HERE!

i was really happy in illinois... but now i'm back at home... hopefully i can move this summer, but i've been saying similar things for over a year now...

i've also been to the doctor for vomiting blood... she's doing lots of tests, and i have to go to the hospital this week for some xrays.

the nurse i saw was nice... i'm usually worried that i'll be harassed because of my size... but this woman didn't do it, and she was skinny, too (i get more flack from thin nurses, i've been hassled by fat ones, too). now, she did talk to me about my weight, but she wasn't rude or condecending at all. i still didn't want to hear it, but i was polite... she was nice... she even tried to comfort me when i was told i had to have blood drawn (i'm deathly terrified of needles).

sooo... then it was time to draw blood... and the first thing i see upon entering the lab was a woman having her blood drawn... i know you're thinking "well, duh", but i freak out at the sight of needles... and i had to be coaxed into the room...

now... last time i had blood drawn from my elbow, the nurse dug around and told me it was because i was so fat (i was 14 years old and a hell of a lot smaller back then), so when this nurse said she *had* to take it from my elbow, i panicked... she said i was too old to freak out (and that realllllly pissed me off... i wasn't trying to throw a tantrum, i'm genuinely terrified of needles). but, i'm actually proud of that lady. she didn't dig at all.....

after it was over, the lady and the two nurses holding me told me i did well.. that i didn't flinch at all, and that they have had big, burly men scream, cry, and jerk (but if it were so, why did she say i was too old to freak out?). apparently they were telling the truth because my dad is one of them.... he can have a chunk of finger ripped out and not notice until someone complains about the blood, but he is as frightened of needles as i am... heh... kinda funny.

anyways... please send happy thoughts my way... i can't afford to be too sick.

2003-01-18T14:25:00.000-05:00

ok... so we went to listen to mikey's band.... i kinda feel a little bad for saying that friend of mike's is creepy.... he was super nice to me, but he is still creepy by nature. i have a creepy friend... who knows i may start to warm up to the guy...

tonight i go gaming with a larger group of mike's friends.

it snowed today, and i'm looking forward to playing in it.

2003-01-16T19:00:00.000-05:00

not sure what to say here...

i'm going to go hear mikey's band play... last time i went, it was awful. well, i never got to hear them play, but i was totally ignored and left to drown in a sea of testosterone. ugh.

this time i'm taking jonathan with me... hopefully it'll be much better if i have someone to talk to. i'll have to take a game of uno with me.

wish me luck with this one... the only friend of mike's that has given a good impression is craig. the others seem creepy... one in partucular is a dirty old man.. granted, i have social anxiety and have a hard time warming up to people, but it would help if they weren't so damn creepy.

2003-01-15T19:05:00.000-05:00

the sunday night sex show... it's like watching a car wreck...

imagine your grandmother demonstrating how to use sex toys (without using them on herself), and you have experienced that show...

jonathan and i were looking through the guide on their cable thing, and we had no idea what it was.... so, being the insane freaks we are, we began watching it... it was disturbing, disgusting, frightening... but we couldn't look away...

ahhhh, the immaturity of ot all....

the best part was when nancy told us to be quiet so she could hear. ;)

we'll probably watch it again tonight.... we're sick.

2003-01-14T15:36:00.000-05:00

i'm still in chicago... ok, actually i'm staying in lombard.... i'm having a really good time here- too good, actually.

i decided to stay another week. i had to take care of my ticket and all, and i made the joke of moving in with nancy and jonathan... they told me i could stay as long as i wanted until they moved out in june.

they seem sincere, but it's hard to know for sure. i know jonathan wants me here, but it's nancy's apartment. i don't want to impose on anyone. still... it would be sooooooooo nice to live up here! it just feels, well, right.

i've thought a lot about it the last two days... and as much as i would love to stay, i can't unless i am specifically invited. if that were to happen, i'd bee ready within a week. still, there are other issues to be considered. mikey and i may not be able to afford our own apartment by june. i also want to go back to college... and that would mean i'd be working part time. =( he is supposed to make a very decent ammount when he finishes classes, so i might be able to afford to only work part time.

but it would suck to move up here until june, just to have to return to south carolina in a few months.

what's a lynn to do?

2003-01-07T00:29:00.000-05:00

ok... i leave for chicago tomorrow afternoon! i'm nervous about riding a bus for 16 hours....

you know how on tv, the "normal" person gets suck beside a bunch of nuts? well... i have decided that if i become one of the nuts, no one will sit next to me. i doubt anyone would sit next to me anyways, unless some FA guy wants to be squished next to a fat girl on a bus.

anyways... i thought about sporting an alligator suit, but it would be hard to find one to fit... so.... i just have to seem unfriendly. since it's such a long ride, i'll have to sleep at some point... and traveling puts me to sleep... but i can't trust strangers.... maybe i'll sleep on my stuff.

wish me luck, though.... also, if mikey is a good boy, i'll come back with spiffy new pics for my site. ;)

2002-12-20T02:53:00.000-05:00

my party was generally awful!!!!! it was a looooooong day... i'll try to keep the story short....

so... i learned a couple of days before my party date that michelle couldn't come... then i found out mandy and ginna couldn't come... so...that left my sister and her kids and one friend.

soooo... i made arrangements and things were fine... until leesa was running late... i was supposed to meet charissa at the old phar mor paking lot about 8am, and at 8:15 i called leesa and her daughter said they were running behind... then 15 min later i was told it would be an hour before they would get here, and that would put me getting to phar mor by about 10 am and i had no way of getting in touch with charissa... so i sent her an email explaining what had happened just in case she got tired of waiting and went home. after that, i decided to give mikey a wakeup call.

he was already awake and on the road, so i only talked to him briefly... but, eventually, leesa got here... we packed things into the car, and went to hope charissa was still around. she was... but she had gone home and checked her email and come back.

soooo... while we were going to get ice, leesa's car broke down and we managed to make it to a gas station. charissa and i had to take leesa to the nearest auto part store.... and so we sat around and got gas station munchies before we eventually got to go to my party destination about 12:30.

we cooked as quickly as we safely could, and gave food to charissa so she could rush off to be somewhere by 1:30. the rest of us sat around and ate, gooffed off a little, and went to an occult shop. after that, i went to leesa's house until 10ish that night, and i went home and talked to mikey online.... then i slept for a very long time.

sooo. the day sucked, but i ended up having a good time anyways.

2002-12-10T03:32:00.000-05:00

hi again...

when i get a magazine, i look through at the design and pictorials, then read the articles and take a closer look at the pics...

so i go the new issue of bbw magazine today... i really do enjoy it (considering it's a fashion mag for fat women, it's good). it usually has a decent layout... but this issue's fashion spreads just SUCK! the photos themselves are crap, as well as their layout.... it's just... bad.. sooooo bad.

i'm a freak in this respect, but i can't stand to read magazines with poor layouts... they're not natural.... but, since the magazine usually has good content, i'm trying to read it anyways. so far they've not been as good as previous issues, but i'm not very far into it yet.

also, their models seem to get skinnier all the time... i mean, this is BBW MAGAZINE!!! one would think they'd use squishy models that represent the women they're trying to sell the mag to... *grumble grumble*

i stopped my subscription to mode magazine (which has since died) because they didn't represent midsize women, much less ssbbw... i know bbw magazine wants to sell more, but i hope they can do it without selling out.

2002-12-02T20:44:00.000-05:00

i'm feeling a bit down, but kinda happy...

i've been dying to go back to chicago, but haven't had the funds to do it... now mikey, the wonderful and brilliant man that he is, wants to pay for my airfaire. i have made arrangements to stay with family, so there's no hotel cost...

the airfaire would cost $200 or more, and then there would be a lot of gas used to go between elburn, where mikey lives, and lombard, where jon and nancy live.... also, mikey intends on feeding me (no, not some feederism thing! he knows i have no money, and will be paying for my food). and if we go anywhere that requires money, he might have to pay as well (i'm trying to get my dad to pay me for the work i've done for him so i won't be a total freeloader, but it's like pulling teeth to get anything from him). soooo... my problem is, can i let mikey spend that much on me? i'm sure the total cost would be $300+, depending on how long i stay. honestly, i feel awful about him spending this much...

he says he wouldn't offer if he wasn't willing to "take care" of me... but that's a lot of money...

i also have no real coat! he offered to let me use his parka, but somehow i seriously don't think i could fit in his 2x stuff...

i'm also afraid to fly now... not because of terrorism, but because of the way that fat people are treated on airlines... i can just imagine someone suing me because i supposedly sat on them and caused blood clots.... if the airline tries to tell me i need two seats, i can't pay for another ticket... i might have to take some odd flight time... and i'd rather not fly from gsp, but atl is a three hour drive and involves getting someone to take time off to take me/pick me up... and then i'm sure they'll go through my luggage, which means i can't take anything fun. i won't be able to wrap gifts.

i'm getting a little ahead of myself... i still have to take care of my birthday party... less than two weeks away...

2002-11-29T03:22:00.000-05:00

we did go to leesa's house for thanksgiving. we brought the food, she supplied the oven. fair trade...

anyways, i didn't get to sleep from the time i woke from my nap thanksgiving morning at 2am (had to talk to my mikey) because, dispite i was half asleep, i stayed up and talked to alex in pa after mikey had gone to bed. i don't talk to alex often anymore... he's hardly online when i am now. anyways... after that i had to wash clothes so i could have something semi-warm to wear and i had to shower and get dressed.

kat and i ended up waiting on dad to get ready... he took sooooooo looooooooong! leesa even called about 9:20ish to make sure we were still coming. we got there about 10:30. our turkey was in the oven about 11:30.... we cooked it for a few hours (we used the baggies that cut the turkey cooking time in half), and then we had to cook the ham as well... and the otherstuff, too.

we didn't eat until 5pm... hehehe but, it was good... i really only cared about the turkey, stuffing, and pecan pie. i had some ham, corn, etc... as well, but it was all about the turkey.

we played with the cats... they're adorable, fun, and friendly, but i'm sooooooo allergic to them... from the moment i walked in the door i was sneezing... my head became stuffy, and my nose dripped. still, all three cats have an obsession with my chest... they like to crawl up onto it and go to sleep... two of them did, and the third one tried, but i didn't let her... it wasn't particularly fun to have cats under my chin.... i really got sick then.

by the end of the day, i got a little grumpy because i felt horrible. i had a massive headache that wouldn't go away despite taking medication, i couldn't breathe (gotta love that sick raspy and wheezey sound)., my eyes were itchy, and i was sleepy as well....

we came home and i slept off my headache. i wanted to just sleep all night, but again, i got up at 2am to talk to mike.... but i think he fell asleep... it's annoying, but not a big deal. i've overslept and missed before, and got that "i came. i waited. i'm going to bed" type email.

anyways... some of you know that at one point i was planning on moving in with leesa... i'm kinda glad i didn't... there's no way i could stand being that sick all the time... it wasn't as bad before, but she had two cats then (it was still bad, but not *that* bad). i hope mike is willing to trade a cat for a hamster or something...

so... happy thanksgiving to the people who celebrate it, and a happy thursday to the people who don't!

2002-11-26T08:12:00.000-05:00

thanksgiving... it's soon!

we have no certain plans yet, but i think dad, kat, and i are heading to leesa's for turkey day. we have a turkey, but our oven doesn't work.... she has a working oven, but no turkey... it kinda works out, you know?

i tried to call leesa earlier to make arrangements, but i only got to talk to amanda. i was supposed to call back, but i fell asleep... i'll call again tomorrow.

right now, i'm having a birthday cake problem. there are questions about the vulgarity of my birthday cake design.... i came up with a decent drawing of a midsize bbw in a kitty suit... it's a new one i did this weekend... mikey says one of the props makes her vulgar (he loves the drawing, but the thinks it might be too "out there" to ask someone to put it on a cake)... it's no worse than a les toil drawing, and far less "vulgar" than a coop design... i'll be asking michelle later.

if one grocery store refuses, i'll take it to another. if they all refuse... i'll have to pick another drawing.

2002-11-20T01:00:00.000-05:00

today i got my license, ate pizza while watching another fine episode of "gilmore girls", and talked to both mikey (spoke with him breifly) and craig on the phone. it was a good day.

i also did some work for my dad today... a lot of work... i had to sew pads, and since they were full of fiber glass, i got all itchy and pokey... not fun. still, the sewing itself wasn't bad. i've decided that if i can sew industrial insulation, i can sew my own clothes, but that'll happen after i make the shoes that i haven't started making yet.

i told dad that next time his help doesn't show, i could probably help. i've done other stuff for him, but not the insulation part. it was almost fun, and the curvy needle was soooo cool.

2002-11-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

back at the shop.... i'm just killing time while i wait to be picked up by the driving school people (yep, i know i'm a loser for being 23 and not having my license). i discovered something amusing... well... it wasn't really a discovery, as i had suspected it prior to today, but i now know that my dad's partner has been looking at porn while on the job.

nothing really wrong with porn... but there is something wrong with looking at it while on company time and using someone else's computer (the puter belongs to my dad, damnit!!). i think the partner has my dad convinced that with some freak happenings, the sites his son visits at home began to show up on this computer... i assured him that that is not the case. i wonder if anyone would notice if i started looking up bbw porn? probably so... the sites that have been visited on this computer seem to be generic porn sites. i haven't gone to them, though i'm thinking about it, just to see what the deal is.

oooh the parter just walked in... i guess i won't be checking out the sites... in fact, i should hurry and finish this entry before he comes along and reads it... don't want to cause problems between him and my father.... though i could play with him and say someone has been to porn sites, just to see his reaction... anyways, i better hurry...

2002-11-17T08:10:00.000-05:00

i went to return videos/rent new ones last night... luckilly, mandy was working, but she teased me about the jem video kat rented before... i told her it wasn't mine, but she didn't believe me.

anyways, she said some guy who used to work at the theatre with me was there last week right after i left.... apparently he remembered me and asked specifically about me... of course, that made me wonder what i did to him to make him remember me so well (it was about 4 or 5 years ago when he worked there)... he said i was quiet and sweet, so mandy thought that he was talking about someone else for a moment... heh anyways... i had no idea who this guy was... but, by chance, he came in while i was there... he recognized me and talked to me, but i really didn't remember him... so, since then i've been trying hard to remember, but nothing is coming.

anyways, so it's getting close to that time of year when i send a photo to the ladybwear bbw babe contest. she should be accepting pics for 2003 soon. the hardest part is picking a photo to send... so, i'm calling all you die hard lynn fans (there might be two of you out there) to look through your lynn archives and tell me what you think of the following pics: lynn383c.jpg, lynn451.jpg, lynn514.jpg, lynn517.jpg, and lynn518.jpg. i'm thinking of using one of these. i might have some new stuff before the year is out, but i can't promise anything. it mostly depends on if mikey makes it to my birthday party. he has been saying for months that he'll come down, but hasn't been able to yet. otherwise, it's hard to get interesting pics on my own, and kat wouldn't be willing to do a sexy "photo shoot"... she already thinks i'm gross for showing cleavage and wearing skirts above the knee.

if any of you have pose ideas (nothing smutty!!!), please let me know! i can't promise i'll do them, but i'll at least think about them. =)

2002-11-14T06:25:00.000-05:00

ok, so i heard heather was in the hospital today.... i don't know her, but i do admire her... and i know how miserable hospital rooms can be, so i decided to make fudge for her.

well... there are laws about me cooking... and dispite that i'm practically banned from the kitchen, i was determined to make fudge... however, my fudge turned out to be sludge... almost varnish like, and i'm too ashamed to send it to her (i'd have to pour it into a cup, anyways... and this is after several hours in the fridge!!!!)

i hope heather feels better soon, and i hope she won't mind an e-greeting instead.

other than that... mikey is really down... and it's making me even more down. i'm not quite sure what to do to cheer him up. nothing seems to work, and i'm getting tired... perhaps i should give him some "varnish". i'm not worried about impressing him with my cooking after the grilled cheese thing... hehehehe.... i've never been so amused by grilled cheese.

2002-11-07T09:29:00.000-05:00

I'm at my dad's shop now. youpi! heh.... really, though... it's not that bad.... it has that insulation company smell, but his computer is sooooooo much better than mine that i can put up with the smell for the moment.

he wants me to do some computer work for him, but he hasn't given me anything to do yet, so i'm gonna goof off until he does. i never get paid for the work i do here, dispite his promises, so i'm not eager to get started.

anyways, so my dad's company uses aol, and his partner just came to me and expressed wishes about leaving them for msn. i know little about msn, so i couldn't offer any advice, but i am glad that they're leaving aol. you see, i firmly believe that aol is a cult.

think about it...they sand insane ammounts of free hours to every home in america and even around the world... there are free aol cds at every department and grocery store in the universe, and, as if that weren't enough, that's not all!

aol claims to be for the family, and it offeres multiple email accounts with no extra charge. why? to rope in the parents by promising no adult material (though the aol friends i have all complain about the massive ammount of porn spam) and using the extra email addies to help trap the children into their evil cult ideas. they want to get them while they're young and brainwashing them through their parents is the best way to go about it.

aol wants people to be dependant on them by trying to keep them internet illiterate. it tries to keep them in their own aol community by offering a huge smorgasboard of chatrooms and keeping non-aolers out. even with aim non-aol people can't see the profiles for the aolers. but, just in case an aol user escapes, aol teaches them to type in all caps so that they are considered socially unacceptable to the rest of the internet civilization.

my dad's partner wanted to buy a camera from aol, intending to pay just over $50, and so far it has cost well over $300.... not long after the order, his account was charged for the camera, plus nearly $20 shipping (blah), and was charged fees to join some kind of aol club... and there were more charges that was uncelear to me when my dad explained it... but even after aol told him that they's stop charging him, they withdrew another $100 or so from the guy's bank account. he's supposed to get a partial refund (of all the unauthorized charges), but nothing has happened yet. but now aol has all of his account information.... and they're obviously willing to charge whatever they want... now, granted, the guy was seduced by a banner ad (i've told my dad to never click the banners, even if they're flashing and telling him he's won something), and most know to avoid offers that seem too good... but, my dad and his partner are very... easilly taken....

so... what would you think if there was a social group that charged people monthly dues after getting people hooked with 1000+ free hours of "fun time"? what if they tried to cut you off from the rest of the world? what if they encouraged you to get your friends and family addicted as well? they tell you that their way is the nice way... the best way... and they intend to make sure it's all you know. i swear that if they start telling michael to castrate himself, i'll have to insist he change providers. he laughs when i say that, but i fear that he might already be in too deep.

2002-10-28T13:33:00.000-05:00

yesterday kat, leesa, amanda, allan, and i went halloween shopping. little allan needed a costume, so we took him to a department store to find one.

he finally decided to be a pirate... and the costume was on sale for $10.99, so we were happy. it's pointless to spend a lot of money on kid costumes when you know they'll be destroyed shortly after you buy them. amanda wanted a wig and some face paint, but the wig she wanted looked almost the same as her real hair, so we teased her about it... but then she chose another wig that was different than her hair, but, in my opinion, ugly (i didn't tell her that). in the end, though, she decided upon glow in the dark vampire fangs, some sparkly face paint, and some glitter hair spray stuff.

kat got a goofy-looking pointy wizard hat (and says she's now ready to go to that harry potter school), and she and allan both got plastic pumpkin pails... hers is purple, his orange.

i bought some candy to give out to the trick-or-treaters and i bought icees for everyone.

i think kat and i will carve a pumpkin tonight or tomorrow... it would be fun to carve one. then we can take it over to leesa's house on thursday.

kat and i also rented some cheesy horror movies.... we have "blood ties" (which turned out to be ok), "gothic" (which was unimpressive), "eyes of fire" (haven't watched it yet), and "pinnochio's revenge" (haven't watched it yet, but it sound just bad enough ;))

i will have an update this week or next... but, that's also the update that i'll make this blog available to everyone. i thought i should have something to read here before i "went public".

leesa's supposed to come over soon. she'll be needing my computer, so i'll finish up now.

2002-10-24T13:46:00.000-04:00

halloween is coming, and i haven't a thing to wear. i don't have enough money to make the costume i wanted, and i'm tired of my rendress...

kat and i came up with the idea of dressing like alvin and the chipmunks... we'd cast amanda as simon because she's tall and skinny. allan would be alvin because he likes alvin and is always in trouble... i think the obvious choice for theodore would be me... and kat would be dave. sounds fun, don't you think? however, kat refuses to be dave... she wants to be theodore...

we all know that theodore is the fattest, so i have to be him. kat is still womanly, but can more easilly pass for a guy than i could.... so, she's perfect for dave.... she doesn't see it that way, though.

so, what else is there? i could always sit at home with the lights off so the kids won't come to my house... maybe i could hang out with amanda and help her give candy to the kids in her neighborhood. i dunno.... i'm mostly just looking forward to the classic halloween cartoons! they start this friday night, too!!!!!!! it just doesn't feel like the holidays without linus and the great pumpkin.

halloween is fun, but i really like thanksgiving and christmas... there's just a warm fuzzy feeling around that time of year... the leaves look beautiful... and, as gross as it sounds, i love the smell of buring leaves. combine that with turkey and pecan pie, and i'm happy.

2002-10-23T20:55:00.000-04:00

okay... so i'm not a daddy anymore... =~(

stan is engaged! yes, i'm elated for her, but i can't help but be sad... i had a plan... a plan involving her and little elizabeth. we were going to do some "great expectations" spoof, and we were going to live in a huge house, teach elizabeth to play with men, and run around in custom made wedding dresses while being bitter at (insert boyfriends' names here) for "ruining" our lives. ok... so i didn't tell stan about my plan... but i intended to... i was just going to give myself a little time just in case i wound up getting married... then, no harm would be done to the baby, and stan could be a bridesmaid.

so... this guy she's engaged to... his name is chad. not the chad i met and played in the hot tub with (it's not what you think! we jumped in, jeans and all!), but rather some guy i haven't met, seen a photo of, or talked to on the phone with. apparently stan was dating him for a while, unofficially, for about a year... then they became a real couple.... shortly afterwards, he popped the question and gave her a spiffy ring.

i hope stan is happy with him... i'll certainly hunt him down and remove his genitals if he ever hurts her.. but, i trust her judgement... the guy's in college and wants to be a dad to elizabeth... i wish them all the best.

i love you stan! i'll call you in a few weeks so we can meet somewhere for lunch. <3

2002-10-17T09:01:00.000-04:00

let's see... i really should make myself write in this thing more often...

anyways... i've been thinking a lot about becoming a telephone psychic. no, i'm not claiming to have psychic powers, but, i'm entertaining, and i can use tarot cards... i've only found one place asking for phone psychics, and it seemed a bit... er.... seedy...

i'd much rather have a different job... i liked being a projectionist, actually... you have to admit, it's a really cool job, despite that i worked at the ghetto theatre with equipment nearly twice my age.

theatres in chicago would like me because i have so much experience in cinema stuff, and they have no idea i worked at the ghetto theatre... ;) heheh and the hours would be great because i could go back to college, too! YAY! i'll be changing my major, though, from graphic art to fine art.

i find that graphic art requires little talent. yeah, i know you guys are looking at my site and laughing, but i'm actually great at advertising, but not web design. when i was in middle school i fell in love with commercial art... in high school it was 3d metal design... shortly after high school it was stained glass... and after that i was back to graphic art, thinking it would be better financially... that and i had an aunt tell me i should be a nurse like my mother because artists aren't wealthy... anyways... so... i went to college for the graphic thing, and i couldn't believe how many people had no sense of design, talent, etc.. i mean, it doesn't take talent to learn to use illustrator and photoshop.

so... i found myself missing the fine arts... and in my fine art classes (drawing, color theory, typography, etc...) i gave more effort and enjoyed it more... especially drawing... but it helped that linda mccune (an AMAZING artist and teacher) loved my drawing style.

so, i should get off my squishy ass and pick an aurora/chicago school and hope my credits will transfer...

2002-09-27T05:29:00.000-04:00

you know... for a few years now i've read the posts about bbw social events, and i've seen the obvious friendships of other ladies on the dim boards, and i can't help but be jealous.

i can only imagine what it would be like to have a group of "enlightened" fat girls to hang out with (enlightened meaning that they're into size acceptance). yeah, i have mandy and michelle, but they're not into the bbw/fa thing.

if i did have an enlightened fat friend, it would be soooooo cool... i'd have a willing and non-judgemental photographer... i'd have someone i could possibly share clothes with... i'd have someone who would know to ask for a table, instead of trying to squeeze me into tight booths. in short, it would be awesome.

*sigh* if there are any enlightened bbw south carolinians reading this, email me... i need a friend.