Friday, February 13, 2004
family.... they claim they'll always love and protect you, but next thing you know they're spewing bile.
one second they are proud to share your name, the next they're making up things to say about you, twisting things
around to make you seem like some kind of monster.
family breaks promises... they give you their word that they will be somewhere at a certain time so you can enjoy
yourselves and bond as a family.... but they blow you off for the next new thing... and what's their excuse? that they
promised someone else they would be there *after* they promised you.
you try to help family... you feed them, give then a place to sleep when you're lucky enough for them to visit... you
don't expect anything in return except their love and company... but then something happens...
you don't know what it is, but your family flips out. they abandon you, tell lies about you... you still don't know
exactly what set them off, but it doesn't really matter....
family turns against you... absolute betrayal... they don't realize it's not truly about them standing you up for another
gig, but rather that when your feelings are hurt from being pushed aside, they try to make you look like an evil
person... i suppose it's how they make themselves feel better about what they did to you, but still... what they said
was pure abuse.... and it takes a very long time to heal.
posted by Lynn 2:39 AM
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
oh... so.... the evil bastard got 8 years.... my sister sold his car to me...(it's legal! the title says "evil bastard OR lynn's spiffy sister")...
now, if only i could get it road ready...... i'm still waiting for the bill of sale... twice my sister has cancelled the "date" on me... =( but there's no use in having a car so i can get to work if i keep having to bum rides off of people!
oh yeah, i got a new job, people. woohoo!
ok... anyways... so... no one seems too eager about me getting the car on the road... i'm talking about getting the bill of sale, tags, etc... taken care of. i'll need a ride to the dmv and such.... my dad actually suggested i drive illegally. *shakes her head*
but, if things go well, i'll be able to do a fun photo set of me with my car. it's not my dream car, but it is a car... it's a nice car... even if it makes me look like a soccer mom. ;)
oh what hard decisions i must now make... what do i hang from the rear view mirror? what bumper stickers will grace my car's backside? i have a beautiful, but contraversal one... that advertses a great website... perhaps i can find one with just the site's logo? i haven't been to the site in a while... i'll go see if they have new stuff. =)
posted by Lynn 2:14 AM
me: "i'm too hard on you"
mikey: "But you're also nice and soft in all the nicest places. :-)"
i wasn't sure how to take that, so i asked... and, yep, he was referring to my body... specifically my breasts and bottom (and i thought my ass was flat...).
no, i didn't take his words to mean that putting up with my attitude is worth it because i have a nice rack.... i'd say most of his attraction to me comes from my personality, which is why it shocked me to hear/read him say that.
mikey's not an fa, but his comment was very fa-esque. hrmmm..... maybe i'm getting to him... mouahahahahah
posted by Lynn 1:52 AM
Thursday, February 27, 2003
ohhh... i forgot to mention...
so far my lynn fan quiz has been very acurate... my lover got "lover/lover wannabe", my wannabe lover got the same.. and my niece got the "family"... but another good friend of mine didn't get the friend one, but the "fa" one... hmmm... i've poked him with a cue, but never actually played pool with him...
what is everyone else getting?
posted by Lynn 12:28 AM
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
so... how many people actually read this thing? i doubt many... especially since i found out that people don't read the opening page on my site.
how do i know? because people keep telling me that half of my pics aren't working... well... i addressed that on the main page of my site. liquid2k is down, and there's nothing i can do about it...
so... does that mean i'm just photos to these people? it's not like my site is filled with sexy pics and no written thoughts...
i've always taken pride in myself because i refused to take the "look how fat i am" type pics. i don't put on clothes that i've outgrown... i don't post measurements... i don't talk about what i eat everyday... i am SOOOOO much more than a fat girl with a vanity site.
hell, the only thing that has changed since i started my site waaaayyyyyy back in (i think) '98 has been the addition of the art gallery and the "pretty pics" section. before it was just photos taken from my trips and social events.
i hid from cameras back then, and i wouldn't have had an entire album of me.... these pics, though a lot were taken for a specific person, were mostly done to make me learn to appriciate myself... now that i do (at least a lot more than i used to), i continue to take them because i enjoy it.
recently, though, the attitudes of some of the "fat board" people have put me off from posting them... so, yep, mikey gets pics, but i have little desire to share them with everyone else.
don't get me wrong, i've met some wonderful people at that message board... but the atmosphere is disgusting... i've seen a guy write about how angry he was when a fat girl turned him down at a bbw party... he said she at least "owed" him a dance for him giving her his attention.... another guy is SOOOO fucking insecure with his preferences that he told me that nature intended for women to be fat and submissive while the men were to be big, muscular dominant apes... he's so ashamed of liking fat girls that he has to try to say that nature intended for things to be *his* way... he also said that homosexual and bisexual people were genetic mistakes...
i keep asking myself why i even bother with that place... there are good posts... granted, they're mostly written by women, but they're damn fine posts about everything... some deal with fat, some don't... the bbw who hang out at the board are amazing women, and the guys don't have enough blood in the big head to notice...
i'm so glad i found a better fat board... it's full of feminsit fat girls and just about every other open minded "social outcast". they're good people.
posted by Lynn 11:43 PM
Monday, February 17, 2003
ok... obviously i'm back at home now... i've been kinda sad because I HATE IT HERE!
i was really happy in illinois... but now i'm back at home... hopefully i can move this summer, but i've been saying similar things for over a year now...
i've also been to the doctor for vomiting blood... she's doing lots of tests, and i have to go to the hospital this week for some xrays.
the nurse i saw was nice... i'm usually worried that i'll be harassed because of my size... but this woman didn't do it, and she was skinny, too (i get more flack from thin nurses, i've been hassled by fat ones, too). now, she did talk to me about my weight, but she wasn't rude or condecending at all. i still didn't want to hear it, but i was polite... she was nice... she even tried to comfort me when i was told i had to have blood drawn (i'm deathly terrified of needles).
sooo... then it was time to draw blood... and the first thing i see upon entering the lab was a woman having her blood drawn... i know you're thinking "well, duh", but i freak out at the sight of needles... and i had to be coaxed into the room...
now... last time i had blood drawn from my elbow, the nurse dug around and told me it was because i was so fat (i was 14 years old and a hell of a lot smaller back then), so when this nurse said she *had* to take it from my elbow, i panicked... she said i was too old to freak out (and that realllllly pissed me off... i wasn't trying to throw a tantrum, i'm genuinely terrified of needles). but, i'm actually proud of that lady. she didn't dig at all.....
after it was over, the lady and the two nurses holding me told me i did well.. that i didn't flinch at all, and that they have had big, burly men scream, cry, and jerk (but if it were so, why did she say i was too old to freak out?). apparently they were telling the truth because my dad is one of them.... he can have a chunk of finger ripped out and not notice until someone complains about the blood, but he is as frightened of needles as i am... heh... kinda funny.
anyways... please send happy thoughts my way... i can't afford to be too sick.
posted by Lynn 8:39 AM
Saturday, January 18, 2003
ok... so we went to listen to mikey's band.... i kinda feel a little bad for saying that friend of mike's is creepy.... he was super nice to me, but he is still creepy by nature. i have a creepy friend... who knows i may start to warm up to the guy...
tonight i go gaming with a larger group of mike's friends.
it snowed today, and i'm looking forward to playing in it.
posted by Lynn 2:25 PM
Thursday, January 16, 2003
not sure what to say here...
i'm going to go hear mikey's band play... last time i went, it was awful. well, i never got to hear them play, but i was totally ignored and left to drown in a sea of testosterone. ugh.
this time i'm taking jonathan with me... hopefully it'll be much better if i have someone to talk to. i'll have to take a game of uno with me.
wish me luck with this one... the only friend of mike's that has given a good impression is craig. the others seem creepy... one in partucular is a dirty old man.. granted, i have social anxiety and have a hard time warming up to people, but it would help if they weren't so damn creepy.
posted by Lynn 7:00 PM
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